On Leaving and (Never) Growing Up

Monday - August the 27th

Today was a hot and altogether unpleasant day, with heavy humid air that persisted even when the sun gave way to evening to rains. Mother and I are both suffering from a cold and found the weather to agitate Our Malady, which was particularly unpleasant given that I have Work on Mondays (after which I feel tired and worn even on good days). Perhaps in part from said weather, I also found myself strangely Restless, and could not feel entirely comfortable no matter my position or preoccupation. I think however, that my nervous tension arose largely from thoughts of returning back to school. As much as I love my dear Towers (and as pleased as I am at the prospect of a Room of My Own), I cannot help feeling gloomy over leaving my family and estate, and having formed such an attachment to my Corsair, I have yet another part of myself to leave behind and worry over. That may be the best way to say it- I find each person and place that I Love absorbs some piece of me, and when I part from them I part from It as well. Thus, I leave for the Final Term in pieces, returning to parts of myself left there but leaving others behind. It would not worry me so much if I had a great many friends to return to, but so many of my dearest companions are already graduated and gone. I think the Finality of the Final Term also weighs on my mind, for it when it is over it closes more than a Great Chapter in my life; it will be the proper end of the Book of my Youth and I will be fully out into the world of Grown-ups. Such thoughts exhilarate and thrill for I can see a great many paths before me, many bright and filled with adventures I have longed to take, but they also make me wish for Neverland or some other Realm of endless childhood. There is a cold and far-too-rational Miss Morewit lurking inside of me who relishes in painting the bleak image of taxes and wages and the doldrums of everyday working life. I fear she would turn me into some stern Ms. Lesswit if I let her, so I must remind myself of them many Small Pleasures and bright things to look forward to with Change, and I feel better again.

So, I shall try not worry for anything and instead be Quite Cheerful thinking of the weeks of art and paint and clay ahead of me, for it promises to be a semester to trump all others!

~ Morewit